Last week it was how to present your submission; this week I thought I’d start with a little about working with words.
One of the biggest things that lets a good story down is a lack of the right tense. This can be as simple as the writer switching from present to past tense, or – more often, from past to present tense. Having it happen in the same paragraph is bad enough, but when it happens in the same sentence it indicates one of two things – that the writer doesn’t quite know what they’re doing with words, and I can expect other problems with the manuscript, or that the writer started writing the story in one tense, but switched to another tense and hasn’t edited carefully enough to catch the change. Neither shows the writer in a good light.
A more subtle error in manuscripts, however, is a lack of usage in the past perfect tense. This is vital in a manuscript that is written in past tense, because it helps the reader differentiate when things in the story happen.
For instance, if a character is doing something in his present, for example: walking, the writer writes in the past tense. Jose walked to the door. The reader understands that this is what is happening in the character’s ‘now’, and not something that happened earlier – it’s not a completed action.
Now, if Jose went to the door yesterday and he’s sitting on the couch, remembering it today, the writer writes. Jose sat on the couch, thinking over Sam’s last visit. There’d been a knock on the door and he’d walked over to answer it.
You’ll notice that There HAD been a knock and he HAD walked over. If the writer had written: Jose sat on the couch, thinking over Sam’s last visit. There was a knock on the door and he walked over to answer it. The reader would be waiting for the next sequence of action to start; they’d lose track of the fact that the knocking and walking happened in the past. The use of was and lack of had implies that the action is still happening and could indicate that Jose’s thoughts of Sam’s last visit are about to be interrupted.
When a writer fails to make this differentiation all the way through a story, it becomes difficult to track the story, and can cause the reader to become so confused, or so tired of trying to follow a badly delineated plot, that they stop reading. We don’t want this to happen.
A truly good tale can be ruined by the lack of correct tense usage.
Here’s another example. This piece is taken after the male character has walked out the door: Helena touched a hand to her lips. She thought she felt the phantom brush of his lips against them. He was standing close enough.
The last sentence in this paragraph needs to be written in perfect past tense. Written as it is, it implies that the male character is still standing in front of Helena. He isn’t. He walked outside in the previous paragraph.
It’s constructions like this that jolt your reader out of the story as their brains do a quick double-take to work out where that male character went, and to ask how he can be in two places at once (outside and standing close to Helena). In order to make sure your reader follows the sequence of events, you need to use the perfect past tense so that your paragraph now reads: Helena touched a hand to her lips. She thought she felt the phantom brush of his lips against them. He’d been standing close enough.
This format clearly shows that the male character has walked away, but that, at one point, he’d been standing close enough to kiss her, if he’d chosen to. There is no confusion about where he is – in this construction, he’s still walking away.
Making the action in your story easy to follow, means the reader can just sink into your world and let themselves be carried away. Having to double back to work out what’s happening and when makes reading your work difficult, and might mean your reader walks away from the story.
It’s something to keep in mind when going over your next submission ‘just one more time’.
One of the biggest things that lets a good story down is a lack of the right tense. This can be as simple as the writer switching from present to past tense, or – more often, from past to present tense. Having it happen in the same paragraph is bad enough, but when it happens in the same sentence it indicates one of two things – that the writer doesn’t quite know what they’re doing with words, and I can expect other problems with the manuscript, or that the writer started writing the story in one tense, but switched to another tense and hasn’t edited carefully enough to catch the change. Neither shows the writer in a good light.
A more subtle error in manuscripts, however, is a lack of usage in the past perfect tense. This is vital in a manuscript that is written in past tense, because it helps the reader differentiate when things in the story happen.
For instance, if a character is doing something in his present, for example: walking, the writer writes in the past tense. Jose walked to the door. The reader understands that this is what is happening in the character’s ‘now’, and not something that happened earlier – it’s not a completed action.
Now, if Jose went to the door yesterday and he’s sitting on the couch, remembering it today, the writer writes. Jose sat on the couch, thinking over Sam’s last visit. There’d been a knock on the door and he’d walked over to answer it.
You’ll notice that There HAD been a knock and he HAD walked over. If the writer had written: Jose sat on the couch, thinking over Sam’s last visit. There was a knock on the door and he walked over to answer it. The reader would be waiting for the next sequence of action to start; they’d lose track of the fact that the knocking and walking happened in the past. The use of was and lack of had implies that the action is still happening and could indicate that Jose’s thoughts of Sam’s last visit are about to be interrupted.
When a writer fails to make this differentiation all the way through a story, it becomes difficult to track the story, and can cause the reader to become so confused, or so tired of trying to follow a badly delineated plot, that they stop reading. We don’t want this to happen.
A truly good tale can be ruined by the lack of correct tense usage.
Here’s another example. This piece is taken after the male character has walked out the door: Helena touched a hand to her lips. She thought she felt the phantom brush of his lips against them. He was standing close enough.
The last sentence in this paragraph needs to be written in perfect past tense. Written as it is, it implies that the male character is still standing in front of Helena. He isn’t. He walked outside in the previous paragraph.
It’s constructions like this that jolt your reader out of the story as their brains do a quick double-take to work out where that male character went, and to ask how he can be in two places at once (outside and standing close to Helena). In order to make sure your reader follows the sequence of events, you need to use the perfect past tense so that your paragraph now reads: Helena touched a hand to her lips. She thought she felt the phantom brush of his lips against them. He’d been standing close enough.
This format clearly shows that the male character has walked away, but that, at one point, he’d been standing close enough to kiss her, if he’d chosen to. There is no confusion about where he is – in this construction, he’s still walking away.
Making the action in your story easy to follow, means the reader can just sink into your world and let themselves be carried away. Having to double back to work out what’s happening and when makes reading your work difficult, and might mean your reader walks away from the story.
It’s something to keep in mind when going over your next submission ‘just one more time’.
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